Narcs and Sociopaths let their children starve and do not protect them.

Narcissists do not care if their children live or die EXCEPT for how that impacts them particularly with how that impacts their persona or the view the public has of them.  Aside from caring about what people think about them, they have no use for their children.   Children are objects that are viewed either as extension of the parent or as pawns in the parents games of wearing a mask of , “great parent” and/or getting favorable public attention.

 They most often reverse the roles “parentifying” the children, which is now defined as a form of child abuse.   The narcissistic truly does not know what is appropriate and since they have no instinct to love, nurture, protect or care for their child, they cannot relate to these feelings and give themselves away when they act on their own impulses and thinking.

This means the narc uses the child to meet their needs.   They are not at ALL responsible for their children’s well being and do not care if they are hungry, tired, homeless, raped, happy or starving UNLESS the public eye can see what is going on and it impacts them in either a negative or positive way.  It is initially shocking to see that a narcissist does not feel at all responsible for their children, does not care if they starve, are cold, are terrified, harmed or hurt and could care MUCH less then a stranger would about their own children.  If it is not convenient for them, if there is nothing to be gained, no favorable public persona then they will let their child die, starve be harmed or homeless and not give it a second thought.  In fact, they are often found out to be exactly who they are when their children encounter hardship and strangers stand up, support and fight for their children while they do absolutely nothing and show no emotion, connection, responsibility or interest in the situation.  If their child’s problems do nothing favorable for them then they will ignore their child and even allow him or her to die.  Only when they suspect that they will be frowned upon publically do they do anything at all to help a suffering child.  These are the types of people who do not bother to feed their children, ensure they have meals, a home and shelter.  These are the types who proudly and publicly write a check to an expensive college, for the world to see but make no plan to feed the child while they are there.  The world hears and sees through the narcissistic parent that the child is attending a prestigious university and the friends of the child will see that the child is staring while attending the posh school.   Since the narc is not credited for feeding their children and it is so natural a thing to do that no one would suspect they deprived their child, they don’t bother to make plans for their child’s meals.  Many children of narcissists have grown up starving, as without people looking in and seeing the parent starving the child, the narcissistic parent had no reason to feed them. To feed the child was requesting something of them, money, time responsibility and with no praise, popularity or award for providing, the narcissistic parent does not bother.  This is one of the markers/red flags of a narcissistic parent, they fail to meet their child’s basic needs in childhood and have no empathy toward their starving child.  While in public they may take the child to restaurants or buy them food, in real life they deprive their child of the vital sustenance they need to grow.  The parent has NO EMPATHY and does not care that the child is starving . 

They narcissist enjoys tricking the public into believing that due to expensive lessons, schools, tuitions, hobbies, they are a model parent when they know that secretly their child is starving to death and would die if it were not for other people helping the child.

The narc does not see anything wrong with relying on others to meet their child’s needs.  Depending on how stunted they are developmentally they may not know what these needs are.  They are incapable of sensing them intuitively and unless they are called out publicly they will not care about the fact that they do not fulfill the role of parent.  They will expect others to drive, care for, feed, house, clothe their children and think nothing of taking favors, hand outs and wearing out the welcome mat at others homes.  They will not reciprocate in any way and they justify that in their own mind and laugh at the people they are taking advantage of.  They will send their children to your home for dinner repeatedly and not return the favor or send over an inexpensive gift one time for the purpose of showing appreciation in order not to harm their public persona.  They make the HUGE mistake in thinking that because people are decent to their face that they like them and respect them.  In reality, they do not see or know, understand or appreciate how their family, neighbors, communities, schools, children’s friend’s parents find them to be corrupt, shocking, vile, irresponsible, neglectful and abusive.  The narc, wed to magical thinking is completely oblivious to how the general public can see and feel for their children and talk about them behind their backs for being such despicable parents and evil humang beings.  It is often the case that complete strangers will feel for and treat their children with much more human kindness and care then a narcissist will treat their own child.   The narc is clueless and instead of sensing how much they are disliked for being horrible parents, they misinterpret others silence as liking them.  It is a sad state of affairs for them but a positive situation for their children who require responsible adult intervention in order to have their basic needs met. 

Hiding behind call screening, call dodging, slamming down the phone and hiding behind silence. 

Narcissists make the mistake of thinking that silence means they are ok.  Their silence NEVER MAKES THEM OK in fact it makes them HIGHLY SUSPICIOUS And shows exactly who they really are.  They are too oblivious to understand this and reveal themselves.  If you have ever had someone slam a phone down on your ear and they are older then a teen ager, there is a good chance that it is a narcissist as that is a narcissistic trait and one that they employ often.

They delude themselves into believing that if they just don’t have interaction with people then they will be viewed favorably.  Even funnier is that they hold the view that if they modify, control, reduce the amount of time they spend with people and manage to be somewhat polite during the encounters that do happen, they will be looked at favorably.  This thinking is seriously flawed.  Normal people, community members, colleagues, relatives are available all the time.  If you call them, they answer the phone.  Narcissists, sociopath and psychopaths screen their calls and just don’t bother calling back people they don’t feel like or to avoid conflict.  They hope that if there is a conflict that by not speaking to the person, the person will forget and the conflict will disappear. 

Of course normal people see this dodging of responsibility for exactly what it is.  They see that the narcissist refuses to speak to them, communicate or return their calls and they believe the narcissist is manipulative, ill intended, guilty and hiding something.   Normal people see this behavior as mean, vindictive, troubled, taking advantage and a refusal to meet up to adult duties or responsibilities.   Narcissists will often avoid communicating with people who will subject them to a request.  For example, they may refuse to speak to their children’s parents friends for fear that if they did that, the other parents would hold them accountable to host, give a ride, make a purchase or otherwise do their part.  The narcissist deludes themselves into believing that by ignoring the other parents, they somehow come across as favorable as no conversation ever happened therefore the other parents could not make any request.  They fail to see that the other parents do not require instruction to attend to the children in the community.  If it is raining outside, the other parents offer to give the children rides.  The narcissist leaves his own child outside in the rain and is indifferent to the fact that other parents won’t allow the child to walk in the rain and therefore give their child a ride.  The narcissist will avoid speaking to these parents as to do so would subject them to either having to identify that the parents drove their child on a rainy day (which means that the narcissist did not) and the other parents may request that they do something such as provide a ride or activity.  The narcissist/psychopathic parent WILL NEVER anticipate the needs of the children and do anything without it being requested of him/her UNLESS IT IS CLEAR THAT BY DOING SO WILL DIRECTLY GIVE THEM FAVORABLE REVIEWS.

It is magical thinking to believe that by refusing to speak, dodging calls that poor behavior will be excused.  They will send their children to your home without any money knowing fully well that the other parent would rather spend money on the child then have the guest (child of narcissist) go without an activity or be embarrassed by the narcissistic parents behavior.  We saw this often when one narcissistic couple sent their child to New York City to visit friends from camp.  The child would arrive with only $10 spending money for one week.  That was not even enough to feed the child.  The narcissistic parent believed they were viewed favorably, by the adults in New York.  Since they reversed the role of the parent, they expected the child to take the blame for not having enough money to spend for the week trip in New York.   They took it a step further, knowing that the parents of the child in New York would fork over money rather then let the child suffer.  They believed this lack of money would be a reflection on the child.  However, the parents in New York thought the narcissistic parents in New Jersey were disgraceful.  They knew the parents used their child as a means to gain favoritism and were appalled that they parents continued to allow other adults to pay for their child.  To avoid embarrassing the child or having them miss out, they simply paid for things and did not bring it up.   One parent told the child that he would not pay for the child’s train ticket to go to New York.  The child called his friend in tears to relay this information.  Again, this was a strategy.   The narcissistic parent knew very well that the parent in New York would pay for the train fare.  All he needed to do was get the child to tearfully convey that he could not go on the trip and the parent of the child in New York would offer to pay for the transportation.  The New Jersey parent knew very well that this strategy would work and would alleviate him from paying for transportation.  However, he made the very big mistake in thinking these two untrue statements.

1.    Children are responsible to pay for their transportation.

2.    It is the fault of the child, not the parent if the child does not have enough money.

The parent in New York, knew that the parent was narcissistic, abusive and reversed roles with the child.  On some level, the child also knew that the other parents were not only avoiding and looking down upon him, but were scared of how evil, calculating and manipulative his father is.  The other parents often spoke wistfully about adopting the lovely child of the narcissistic parents.  The child who never had any money and was to embarrassed by his parent and the situation to talk about it.  The child who often went hungry, walked in the rain, wore shoes with holes in them and never complained to anyone. 

Narcissists/Psychopaths hide behind; mobile phones, device usage, work, call screening,  refusing to return phone calls, slamming the phone down on people and sleeping to avoid interaction.

It is not normal to drift in and out of people’s lives.  Narcissists are unable to maintain normal relationships.  Since they have to control all interaction they cannot respond to anything from another person which results in them hiding, dodging and revealing exactly who they are….complete narcissists or psychopaths who either cont4rol all interactions or act as though they never happened or are not happening.

As much as they hide behind their answering machines, fenetic business, work, meetings or alleged family obligations, they are idle and dodging responsibility for even the most basic of behaviors required for adult relationships.  Relationships are reciprocal.  That means that one person communicates and the other responds, listens and communicates back.  Not a narcissist.  They communicate ONLY when they wish to and ONLY on the topics they choose.  If you are able to get though their call screening and speak to them, they will hang up on you when you bring up a topic they wish to avoid.  They are like the ostrich sticking it’s head in the ground and believing no one can see them.  They literally believe (magical thinking) that interactions are controlled by them, and if they wish to ignore a person or topic, they can do so AND STILL LOOK favorable to the general public.  Of course anyone beyond a child’s level of development can see right through this and see that they are evil and manipulative.

Being on devices, phone or falling asleep at strange times equals SILENCE and is just another means of refusal to interact and is part of the mask of being in constant motion, in demand, busy, working, otherwise unable to have the time to interact.  It’s a lie.  People have time for what they wish to have time for.  Falling asleep, if there is no health problem is just another means of dodging communication and it is again, bizarre and distorted behavior and thinking.  No one is so tired that they fall asleep mid sentence or in social situations.  Falling asleep in social situations, during daytime hours or on demand, if there is no medical problem, is an escape from reality and again reveals who they really are.  Normal people have decency, accountability and manners that prohibit them from; sleeping, texting, surfing the internet, “working” or calling at people’s social events.  Sleeping at social events is viewed as plain rude, dismissive, classless and odd.  The combination of that and being on mobile devices nonstop is red flag alerts for psychopaths.   Again you see the magical thinking, sense of entitlement and gas lighting.   In these situations the gas lighting rarely works as it is next to impossible to convince anyone that refusing to be present at a social event is for a good reason that is beyond poor manners and grandiosity.