Leave a Narcissist and do NOT look back..no matter what!

When people are dealing with the after shock of ending a relationship with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, they often wish to discuss the bizarre yet predictable behaviors that they were subjected to.  They find themselves ruminating about how or why the narc moved on and point out that the narc has a new source of supply.  In reality there was most likely overlap as that is what narcs do, they can’t survive without supply and they do not operate with the ethics or style of healthy adults.  They have no problem maintaining a harem and they are not selective and will sleep with anyone who shows interest in them. This "supply" is their life line, vital to their ability to live and they need it to carry on.   For this reason, they are like sharks feeding whenever and as often as they can and that means, they are committed to, married to, said they were exclusive with you, and they continue to indiscriminately troll the dating scene and sleep with any person who will give them the attention/supply that is vital to their existence.  You see they have no internal mechanism for holding together their sense of self, identity or existence and are completely reliant on external sources to validate them so they can continue to exist.  Their only other option is to face the terror of their situation and they construct their entire lives in a way that ensures they never have to face the incredibly painful reality of their unintegrated sense of self.

Devastated men and women want to review the final weeks or months of the relationship and tearfully express that they just don’t understand how it is that they narc moved on so quickly.  They didn’t move on quickly.  They didn’t move on at all.  It is all an ILLUSION.  None of it is real.  Just as they were incapable of relating in an adult, normal, healthy, intimate manner with you, they are now bringing the same tool set to their new supply.  And how do you think that new supply,  probably enamored in the love bombing stage, would feel to know that what they are experiencing is completely false.  While they were being love bombed, the narc was with you, living with you, married to you, somehow connected and claiming to be committed to you, while love bombing another source of supply.  The new supply has more problems then he or she even knows starting with the fact that even in their initial days of blissful love bombing, the narc was already occupied with you.  

You have already run through the cycles with the narc and know what to expect.  The new source of supply is about to enter into the most horrific of situations in which the rug is ripped out from under him or her.   Narcissists only do the same things over and over again.  The newly identified supply is not a magical solution to the narcs unintegrated self but rather a player in the game of “prop my mask so it does not shatter” and when he/she fails to do the impossible, prevent a false façade from cracking….eventually it cracks as it is not real…he or she is in for the shock of his or her life.  Love bombing turns into devalue at the tiniest glimpse of anything that indicates that the mask is not real, that the new supply does not forcefully convey belief in an illusion, a mask....  that can be ANYTHING at all, is not predictable and as we already know, is controlled by the narc and is virtually random.  They sail through the stages of love bomb, devalue, discard and hoover gracefully and without missing a beat while the world crashes down around the new supply and she is just another pawn in the game of keeping the narc alive through feeding into, believing in, subscribing to the false belief, surrendering unyielding devotion, admiration and loyalty to a man or woman as complete as a puppet.  And the day that the narc either suspects his/her lack of belief or is derailed by his own paraonia of his/her lack of devotion, the narc begins the devalue phase as a means to deflect abandonment.   

You see the supply has no active  role in the narcs cycling game just as you did not.   The supply is the sitting duck that is soon to become unbalanced as the narc spins through the same primitive cycles again and again.   The best thing that any source of supply can do, whether the present or the past is cut off the game, cut off the cycles and go no contact.   You cannot save the narc, no one can but you CAN SAVE YOURSELF.   It is too improbably, bizarre, unthinkable for healthy adults to even fathom the low level, primitive, hateful and evil methods of the narcissist.  Only be removing yourself from the game, from the predetermined cycles are you able to move on, move past the trauma of the experience and get your life back.    A person with a narc in their life, has no life and is merely used as a means to an end.  

A person who operates without empathy, the ingredient that facilitates human interaction and enables us to feel whole, is not a person but a puppet.    We should only become as unbalanced by these characters as we would by a toaster oven, a telephone pole, a coffee cup or a ceramic plate.  The difference between a narc and an inanimate object is striking.   

A puppet,  while incapable of bringing meaning into your life, also can not hurt you.  Unlike a puppet, a narc can and will only try to harm you, to destroy you, to punish and ruin you...   

Instead of asking yourself “why” or trying to make sense of the madness, you are better off being thankful that they are gone, getting over the trauma bond with the assistance of a domestic abuse counselor and moving on.  Be grateful and appreciative that unlike the narc, you are a multifaceted, dynamic person with all the parts needed to live a fulfilling and meaningful human existence.  Once you rid yourself of these deadly parasites you are free to live your life to its fullest.  

Consider it a lesson learned and go no contact.   There is no reason to check in on a puppet and we already know that they will come back once they are in need of new supply or are running low on their present source.  Let them go.  Do not look back! Heal yourself,  reflect on the devastation as a means to process it.   Be kind to yourself and allow the toxic person to leave your mind and become a painful memory.     Be happy that you will once again laugh and experience all that life and connectedness, interpersonal relationships have to offer.  It is hard, potentially the hardest thing ever asked of us, to accept that the love we cherished was never real and was an illusion intentionally constructed by a broken person.  Do not blame yourself or waste time reviewing the past.  The moment, your life, your completeness is yours to enjoy and in time, you will live without the chaos, upset, fear and betrayal left in the wake of the narcissist.   They will be stuck doing the same things with the singular goal of keeping an illusion alive.  Do not look back.  Look ahead to brighter and beautiful things.  You are worth it.