Narcissists, Sociopaths and Psychopaths con the general public.

     It is estimated that one in 14 people has attachment disorder, reactive attachment disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, dual diagnosis of substance abuse and an Axis 2 diagnosis etc.
 What does this mean?  As a therapist, this means that I am working with more character disturbed younger people then presented with these bone chilling disturbances than I did twenty years ago.    As a therapist I am actively participating in navigating the horror these characters create in the wake of their tantrums, their vengeance their vindictive behaviors, gas lighting, smear campaigns, stalking, Hoovering and reappearing in the lives of their targets in order to not allow them to escape their deadly grasp.

As a person, just a person who has navigated the demise of the narcissistic sociopath, I have met many other survivors along the way.  By survivor I mean a person who has escaped completely, entered the wake of financial demise these folks create and soldiered on anyway, plowed forward, cast their fears aside and moved right through the devastation without looking back.  We find one another and we don’t discuss the abuse, we don’t have to.  The stories are always the same. 

A narcissist, sociopath, psychopath operate on an emotional level that is under three years old.  They may have the intellectual abilities of an adult and may be highly successful in their career.  These folks are often found in the helping fields, politics, religious leaders, teachers, people who impact the lives of others.  They use their control and desire to destroy and destruct while conning the world at large into believing they are doing good.  As a person I continue to live in the wake of horror caused by not just one but more than one narcissist in my family and that doesn’t even include the flying monkeys and minions.  As a person,  I am free, breathing again, living without the lies, the demand to prop up the masks, keep the secrets, walking on eggshells.  I am free now and no longer watch my own health deteriorate in the silent hell that is the prison these disturbed folks create around us.  Each family secret an invisible bar on the cage that becomes hidden and heavier, more difficult to escape as time goes on. 

I broke free first removing the main problem then severing the ties from the minions and flying monkeys.  The breath freedom even in the wake of destruction they cause is like nothing that can be explained.  It is a chance to live again, a step out of an eerie and cob webbed cave in which a maze of lies is preached as gospel and any sign of not believing or speaking truth to an “outside person” is met with vindication and torture.    Narcissists control how much time they spend with, speaking to “outside people”, the people who do not see them without their mask.  They cannot keep their mask on successfully long enough and reliably therefore MUST control all the time that they spend in the company of “outside people” the ones they cannot isolate or hold hostage in their creepy castle where the mask comes off, gas lighting begins and satan himself moves freely and without fear of exposure.   

If you look closely you will find that all narcs control the amount, type of time they spend with you and that includes speaking.  They screen their calls, refuse to answer, hang up on you, create diversions-conflicts to avoid having to be in contact, up close, evaluated by you.    They over text, under text, ignore your texts, create conflict via texts and use that as an excuse to avoid contact with you.



They are on cell phones, ipads, work calls, sleeping or watching tv in order to avoid human interaction that may give them away.  They are heavily scheduled, unavailable, have plans already are super busy or “working” to avoid flexibility, spontaneity and reciprocity in making plans in which they interact with you.  They ALWAYS choose and control how and when they interact with you and they intentionally do it creating a plan to interact with you so that their mask does not fall off and they are not exposed.  This requires planning on their part.  It takes energy to keep up a false public image and character.  They often have different personas for different people which makes them less likely to want contact with too many people at once for a prolonged period.  They have elaborate and seemingly reasonable excuses for their lack of participation, not showing up, being unavailable, having already committed to something however, if you look closely and study them over time it becomes glaringly obvious that they devise their lives and time spent with other people with the singular goal of not being found out for who they really are.   The easiest way to do this is to isolate and be with a limited number of people for limited amounts of time.  Even still they will bomb relationships.  These folks disown or do not speak to their own family, friends, siblings and move from group to group.  They are unstable and that instability is chronic,

People say, “He seemed lovely to me” or “he has no arrest record” or “I could not see anything other than lovely behavior’ when they learn about the cruelty that the narc subjects their target and nuclear family to.  They seem surprised and that is strange.  Considering that the entire operational style of these characters is to trick the public into believing they are good, decent and honest people, it comes as a shock to me when people are so naïve and easily conned.

The main goals of a narcissist, psychopath, sociopath is TO create a believable “mask” or “veneer” that is received very well by the public.  These folks have one persona at home, behind closed doors and another persona for public.  There is no connection between the act they put on in public and the horror of who they really are at home when no one is looking in on them and there is no one to judge or critique them.  These characters LOVE the fact that they are able to trick people into thinking that they are decent people while committing deadly emotional and often physical, financial and sexual abuse on the people who are with them day in and day out, their family.
The longer that naïve or ignorant people claim, “he seemed ok to me”, the more the character disturbed individual is able to get away with the demonic behavior while laughing at the people he tricks.

NO narcissist, sociopath or psychopath EVER intends to do anything in public that would give any person reason to see them for who they really are.  These people put on magnificent shows of decency, family man, caring parent and often claim to be the victim of the very person they have harmed the most.  Despite their show of “super parent” in public, these folks, incapable of bonding with ANY other human being, use their children as pawns, props in their show of “super Mom or dad.”  At home the children are stunted in their own emotional development as the disordered parent cannot use them for anything other then an extension of themselves or relate to them as anything more than object.  To a narcissist, people are only to be used as a means to prop their mask, gain supply and for what they are useful for.  Narcissists choose targets who are reputable, ethical, popular, rich or otherwise pleasing then the narcissist uses the victim to justify his own existence whilst slowly sucking the life out of the target.  Before the target is even aware of what is happening the narcissist is creating smear campaigns, claiming the target is crazy, abusive or addicted to substances in order to discredit his/her anticipated reports of abuse.  By the time the target does finally report abuse, their own family and friends may not believe him due to the narcissists strategic public persona and constant attacks on the target in which he contacts, calls, spreads lies on social media or publicly, about the victim, to his or her own supports.   

While the victim is wallowing in a sea of shock, self doubt and confusion caused by persistent gas lighting, emotional abuse, isolation and fear, the narcissist seizes the opportunity to tell the victims contacts that the victim’s state of mind is only more evidence that he or she is “crazy.”  The narc uses abuse and isolation to destroy the victim then once the victim is weakened beyond normal, uses the state he/she is in to support his/her own false claims that the victim is problematic, crazy, a junkie etc. 

The whole time the narcissist, psychopath, sociopath is laughing at how easy it is to trick and manipulate the victims supports and the general public.  The narcissist laughs at and despises his own minions and flying monkeys and uses them only as a tool in his deadly arsenal.  In reality, with integrated health people, if a person’s partner were problematic, crazy or a drug addict, a caring partner would help him or her to resolve the problem, not indiscriminately share the details of the problem with any person who would listen.  When you hear a “smear campaign” it is very obvious if you simply think critically and ask yourself, “what would I do if I was in this situation?”  A healthy person would manage the situation with grace, respect and care.  A narcissist is incapable of that.  A smear campaign SCREAMS narcissist, sociopath, psychopath AS IT IS DEVOID OF HUMAN EMPATHY AND IS NOT NORMAL.    The NPD ALWAYS gives him/herself away with his low level of functioning behaviors that lack empathy and are primitive.  No healthy adult would create a smear campaign or treat someone they cared about without human decency, empathy and respect.  It becomes evident over time that they are as multi faceted as a can opener and as complete as a puppet.  While that is a shocking truth, it should make it easier for you to get over them.  You are worthy of more than a destructive drone set on the permanent command of destroy, destruct, control and lacking an integrated sense of self, identity or brain functions.  A puppet is easier to be with as they cannot harm you.

As narcissistic abuse gains more public awareness and becomes a common phrase in court-rooms in certain regions of the world, the problem begins to decrease.  To truly put the beginning of an end to these folks deadly acts of devastation, people simply need to use common sense.  No evil, satanic, incomplete person is going to “look” as evil as they are.  At the same time, when we are still and do not react and remain quiet and sit on our hands, do not react, these folks ALWAYS expose themselves and reveal their true intentions which are destroy, destruct, control their victims whilst fooling the public.   The next time any person tries to hard to convince you that they are outstanding as people, be still and think critically.  Decent and ethical people NEVER put on grand performances of being a super person, they just are.   It is a red alert for DECEIT and evil when someone is trying to hard to prove that they are too much of an extreme of anything.    Look closely and protect yourself.   With one in twelve to fourteen people being character disturbed, statistically speaking you have already been conned or are being conned now.  While a team of global warriors tackle this pandemic, it starts with each person being accountable for their own experiences and thinking about them critically and acting in kindness and empathy as every integrated and complete person can.