The goal of the narcissist, sociopath, psychopath is SO EVIL that the general public chooses NOT to accept or believe it. SO WHAT? RUN, do not walk AWAY NOW!

Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths are all around us.   The previous notions that they are serial killers, behind bars or lurking on the outskirts of society are false.  Not only are they amongst us, they are in the places we go, our families, our communities, in our places of worship, hospitals, recreational facilities, clubs, they are everywhere that we are.   They are not quietly lurking online or reinventing themselves on dating apps.  They are in our lives, in the lives and influencing and impacting the lives of our children, all over the world.

It is estimated that one in 14 people have this character disturbance and I do not agree with this number and believe it is a higher number with a global presence. There is a myth that they are locked up, serial killers and in the prison system. While some are locked up and some are serial killers one in twelve people are amongst us, in our communities, hospitals, government, schools, places of worship and other typical places we go to by choice or need without anticipating that we are amongst those who intend to harm, destroy, destruct others and are primarily overlooked, under the radar and free to wreak havoc on our people, family, children and communities. 

This character disturbance does not discriminate according to where you were born, what class or ethnicity you were born into or how wealthy or poor you were.     There is a staggering number of people walking around creating havoc, terror, destruction, abuse and demise to others in; our communities, places we trust, places we go to when we need help and are vulnerable, our families, recreational groups and facilities and places worship.  Any place that we go, they are there too.

Until we embrace the truth, the facts, the pandemic, the character disturbed will continue to run amuck, causing demise to the lives they touch.

There are telltale signs that we are dealing with a narcissist or sociopath.  I am not referring to people with narcissistic traits, individuals who have anger management problems or lack empathic or sensitive responses to others.  For many reasons there are many people who have the traits of a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, YET ARE NOT that.    At times in our lives, different stages of development, when life stressors are overwhelming, during transitions or bursts of development, due to substances, poverty, hardship or crisis, people may exhibit these traits.   Exhibiting these traits does not make a person character disordered.  It is the consistent, chronic and unyielding behaviors, response to others, pattern of interpersonal complications, characterized by lack of empathy or accountability that separates people going through a rough or transition time from those with the actual disorder.    

Once we are equipped at identifying and understanding the actual traits and the prevalence of consistent patterns of behavior, it becomes obvious who is masquerading as a decent human being whilst living with the disturbances.  Only through education, observation, self- reflection and trusting our inner voice, intuition no matter what, are we able to identify these folks and eliminate contact with them.   

There is no positive or productive contact, relationship, scenario or situation in which we enter into, engage, be in a relationship with, maintain a relationship with or have anything at all to do with a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath.  While the interactions with them may have times of calm or even favorable, seemingly positive or unproblematic moments, eventually the relationship, no matter who it is between, grows from problematic to lethal, no matter what the nature of the relationship is between the character disordered and the target. 

Whether it is your parent, religious leader, coach, friend or lover, ultimately the one who is not character disordered will be brought down, violated, manipulated, tricked, harmed, upset, devastated, in a state of deterioration of health, finances, emotional stability and weakened in all areas.  There is no opportunity to regulate the type or level of damage these folks cause others and therefore, no matter who the narcissist or sociopath is, in order to live, thrive, prosper and grow, it is critical to eliminate them from your life permanently and with no contact at all.  Until you have removed yourself from them in every way, you are operating on a damage control modality and that is counter productive to happiness, healthy, prosperity and stability.   

There is no reasoning, managing, negotiating or compromising with these disorders.  No contact is the only chance you have to rebuild, create and maintain stability in all areas of your life and to be happy and productive.    Continuing to engage a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath is choosing to sacrifice, surrender and lose your health, mental health, confidence, finances, self esteem, time, relationships with other people and every other valuable and critical necessity of happy and healthy human experience and existence.  

If your goal is to live in a state of suffering, stagnation, chaos, fractured relationships with others, isolation, impaired health, decreasing mental health and time that is wasted and lost completely, exposing yourself to any relationship with any narcissist or sociopath guarantees this fragile, wasted and tragic state.   You owe it to yourself, your children, your family and humanity to cut your ties, shake yourself off and take responsibility for the scary yet beautiful fact that the only person who can save you, is you and you are worth living a life of stability, health, growth, happiness, prosperity and all the beautiful things that you were intended for an narcissists and sociopaths have no access to.

Education and knowing who is a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath are critical to knowing, who to stay away from, who to disentangle from and who to cut off and not look back.   Your intuition will guide you and you must follow it and not be influenced by the opinions of other people or group consensus or norm.  There are many people who are viewed favorably or in positions of power or prestige, who are the exact character disturbed people we have to avoid to save ourselves.  If you trust your intuition, are educated on the warning signs, causes and traits of these folks and are alert to and trusting of your intuition, it’s easier to avoid or cut off toxic people. 

It’s like this.  When you enter into or stay in a relationship with one of these folks, no matter who they are in relation to you, you are targeted.  Their goal is control, destroy and destruct the target.  You either are slowly ruined or completely devoured until you get out of the relationship, cut it off, have no contact and do not look back.  Whether they are a friend, your parent, a sibling, Doctor, hair stylist, coach, lover or religious leader is irrelevant.  You either cut them off or be destroyed.  It’s that simple.   With the numbers being that one in 10-14 people are character disturbed, abusers, cluster B personality disordered, the statistics indicate that at some point in your life you will be subject to these folks and when that happens, only you can protect yourself.  I will say it again.  At the time in your life when you are subject to a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath, there is only one person who can help you and that is you.  You hold the reigns, the control of your life and who you interact with, engage and who you walk away from and do not look back at.  Not looking back means that you do not think about, discuss, talk about, look at on social media, have on your social media (block it all) or have any contact with ANY person who is in contact with that person.   The people worthy of being in your life, the people who love you, accept you and appreciate your right to happiness and health will ONLY support you and not remain in contact in any way with the person you are blocking.  Any person who hesitates, maintains a relationship with a narc or otherwise involves themselves in the situation, is not a friend, is disruptive and should be avoided.  It is at these times we learn the hard facts about who is a friend and who is not.  It’s a gift.  Life is better, fuller, lighter, when the people in your life share the common goal of wanting success for you.    Consider it a gift to eliminate the minions, flying monkeys or people not worthy of you due to the fact they do not respect or share your basic goals and need for stability, health and success.  It hurts but it’s a great chance to shut that down, cut off the conflict, drama and those who demonstrate no regard for your well- being.

The only person who is going to protect you, save you, set boundaries for you is you.  No matter how hard it seems, how much you have lost, how chaotic, scary or devastated you are, if you are still capable of reading this, you are able to extract yourself and choose to live. 

It will not be easy.  Leaving a relationship in a fragile and compromised state is going to be hard.  However, the other option is to leave the relationship when you are more compromised, more fragile, less healthy and more isolated then you are today.  Each moment that you are in this is a moment in which they are creating destruction.  Every second that you stay is a second that you are being further isolated and often increasingly smeared and presented to others in an unfavorable way.  None of this matters.    Normal people do not fall subject to smear campaigns as they have ethical ideologies, standards of conduct and limits, which do not allow for it. 

A smear campaign is in a red flag for an abuser and his minion or flying monkeys as only unethical, unhealthy, destructive and primitive people join together to speak poorly of others, creating and repeating falsities that in the event they were actually true (they are not), would be received with concern and empathy from normal, healthy, people.  

A normal person does not claim that their lover, husband/wife, partner, friend is “crazy”, an addict, unfavorable, lacking ethics, dangerous or anything else to that very person’s contacts, friends or family, behind their back.    The act of a smear campaign is a hallmark of a narcissist and psychopath.    In their sole focus to destroy, destruct and control, their primitive thinking and existence lead them to reveal themselves and quickly.  Think of it as a gift.  Any person who listens, shares, perpetuates the rumors that they spread or engages or participates IN ANY WAY is a damaged and unethical person displaying narcissistic/psychopathic traits themselves by proxy.   Normal, age and development appropriate individuals do not entertain or engage in smear campaigns for any reason at any time as their morals, ethics, integrity and conscience do not allow them to.  They also are not manipulated into believing the messages conveyed by the abuser.

Communicating negative information to another person’s contacts, work, friends or family is a primitive and childish behavior with harmful and destructive intentions.   

In a normal relationship if one person has issue with the other they confront the person directly.    Smear campaigns claiming people are problematic behind their back is very similar to the three-to-five-year old behavior of tattling on a friend or sibling.  A snitch or tattler NEVER has the recipients best interest in mind and neither does a person creating a smear campaign whether it is a subtle and insidious campaign that takes place over time or a full on attack that is abrupt, sudden and extreme.   

The manipulative and rampant reports of,  “other people think the same thing” as whatever the smear is, is very close to one child telling another child that other children do not like him or her.  When we break down the thinking, behaviors and manipulation of a smear campaign, it’s similarity to behaviors from the time in development in which magical thinking is normal and exhibited, is clear.  Children who are in the stage of magical thinking and narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths have similar styles of thinking.  What they do not have in common is that the children will eventually grow, develop and pass through this level of thinking and operating.  Narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths DO NOT continue to develop and grow and that is why the red flags are so easy to see.  They are so compromised, primitive and limited in their thinking that they do not see the problem, the offensiveness or clear wrong doing and red flag alert in talking trash about a person behind their back.  It never occurs to them that a person of normal development, intelligence and integrity will quickly find them, not the person they are smearing to be highly problematic and will potentially alert the victim immediately due to the cruel and psychopathic nature of this manipulative act and the danger it represents.

The hardest part of identifying a narcissist, sociopath or psychopath is NOT identifying their red flag behaviors.  In these relationships while initially, we are drawn in by love bombing in romantic scenarios, or there are periods of calm and even favorable behaviors when it is a parent, sibling or someone outside the family, the evidence of their disorder is always present once we reach an adult level of comprehension, and cognitive abilities. 

The understanding, ability to identify, awareness of the problem always comes from you, the target, the subject, the recipient of the calculated, manipulative, destructive and lethal behavior.   The problem is that the intentions, goals, manipulations, lies and horror of the narcissist/sociopath or psychopath is so evil, so terrible, so much the opposite of what we are led to believe is possible of other human beings that we block out the absolutely inhumane behaviors and pretend that they do not exist, pretend that our intuition is not urging us to understand, to embrace to accept and take action to run, cut ties, disengage with a person who is more evil and with the plan and behaviors to control, destroy and destruct us.  Until we are willing and able to accept, identify and take action to protect ourselves from evil by acceptance and understanding followed by concrete and methodical action plans to cut all ties, we are bound to situations, scenarios and relationships in which we are devoured hole over time, suffering in silence.   

There is one choice for survival.  As painful, as counter intuitive as it is, as much as it deviates from what we were told, raised to believe or want to believe, there is one way out and only one way out.  Accept that some people are evil and not complete.  You don’t have to dwell on this painful reality.  Cut it off.  No matter what challenges you will have to overcome, they are still available to you if your health is still in tact, you can still read this, comprehend and relate to the information.  No one can save you from a dance with the devil other than you.   Get out, cut the contact and do not look back.  When your other choice is to become diminished to the point where you no longer have that option, the situation in which you accept reality no matter how disturbing or painful, is the only right choice.   The situation will get worse over time.  Now is the time, the only time that you need to take the first step toward preserving yourself and eliminating the evil and life threatening people from your life, no matter who they are.